Chapter 42 (8/11/16)

Short post tonight, sorry about that, but it was a logical place to end!  Enjoy :)

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“What did we do?” I groaned to myself, leaning back against the door and covering my face with my hands.  “Fuck!” I slammed one foot back against the door and the stood.  I needed a shower. 

I stayed in the shower for a long time, as if I could wash away all the evidence of whatever had happened between Ryan and I over the past 18 hours.  I felt uneasy about it all.  Did I have feelings for Ryan?  I didn’t think so.  Did he have feelings for me?  That didn’t seem like him at all, at least not based on what he told me.  But it sure seemed like he might.  Feelings would change everything.  I was so happy with our no-strings sex arrangement. 

When I got out of the shower, I considered calling Jesse but I just didn’t feel like being social now.  Instead, I got in bed to take a nap.  I hadn’t gotten nearly enough sleep last night, even though I had slept great for the few hours I was sleeping. 

As tired as I was, I couldn’t fall asleep.  I tried to tell myself it wasn’t a big deal, and I had no idea why I was so upset.  I sat up and sent a text to Kelly and Erica, asking to do brunch.  Erica responded that she was busy, but Kelly was up for it.  We made some plans for a little later and I finally dozed off for a bit.

I got up in time to get ready and meet Kelly on time.  Kelly cocked her head at me and said, “So what’s the emergency?”

“What?” I asked, frowning

She chuckled.  “You can’t fool me.  You don’t do last minute plans with us unless something is wrong.”

I sighed and shook my head.  “I don’t even know, Kel,” I said.  She waited patiently, so I verbally vomited the events of the last 24 hours at her. 

When I finished, Kelly smiled sympathetically.  “Well, you made it a lot longer without developing feelings than a lot of people do!” she said.

“What?  No!” I said, horrified.  “I don’t have feelings.  He has feelings.”

“You have feelings, Jenna,” she insisted.  “It’s okay.”

            “Why did I even come here?” I groaned. 

“Okay,” Kelly said, changing her approach.  “So what if he does?  Does that change things?”

“Of course it does,” I replied.  “This is not a thing that can happen.”  I gave Kelly a look that clearly said this was not up for debate, and she obligingly changed the subject.  While we ate, I got a text from Jesse asking me if I wanted to do something in the next couple days.  I read it and ignored it. 

After brunch with Kelly, I busied myself cleaning my house, even though it didn’t really need to be cleaned.  I made excuses to Jesse, and I managed to hold him off for an entire week.  Over the course of that week I went to dance class, went to work, and otherwise carried on as normal.  But on Saturday, Jesse called me and I couldn't avoid him any more. 

“Hello?” I answered hesitantly.

“Hi,” he answered.  “Is everything okay?”

“What? Yeah, why?”

He laughed.  “Come on, Jenna, what’s up?  I haven’t seen you in well over a week.”

“I’ve been busy,” I insisted. 

“I don’t believe you,” he replied boldly.  “Look, if you’re upset about something, you can just tell me.  Or if you don’t want to see me anymore…”

I sighed loudly.  “Seriously, Jesse, this is exactly why I don’t want a relationship.  I don’t want to have to answer to someone about my whereabouts.  We’re not together, you don’t get to demand to know where I’ve been.”

He was silent for several seconds, and then he said, “That’s not how I meant it at all.  I was only wondering if something was up that I should know about.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, feeling shitty.  I was being awful.  “Look, Jesse, I just have a lot going on right now, I need a little space.  Please don’t take it personally.”  I was still irritated, but I didn’t want to be so mean to him.  

Sounding defeated, Jesse said, “Okay, that’s cool.  Just give me a call when you’re feeling up to doing something?”

“I will,” I promised.  “Bye, Jesse.”  He said goodbye and we hung up. 

I saw that I had gotten an email while I was on the phone.  When I opened it I groaned, because it was from Ryan.  I took a deep breath and started to read:

Jenna,
Things felt weird when I left last week and I just wanted to check in and make sure everything is okay.  Email is probably the best way to get a hold of me with the time difference and all.  Let me know how you’re doing, okay?

Ryan

Irritated, I clicked my phone’s display off and threw it on the couch.  “Why the hell does everyone think there’s something wrong with me?” I snapped out loud to myself.  “Jesus, leave me alone!”  I realized I sounded like a crazy person and stopped talking, rubbing my face and taking a deep breath.   

From the couch, my phone vibrated.  Looking at it suspiciously, I picked it up and saw a text from Kelly.  I breathed a sigh of relief, because I knew she wasn’t going to ask me if I was okay.  But I let out a frustrated yelp when I read the text.  “Have you heard from Ryan?  Are you feeling better about everything?” 

Kelly’s text was the last straw.  I opened my contacts and stabbed at a name.  The phone rang 4 times before the person I was calling finally picked up.  “Jamie?  Is that offer to come visit still on the table?”