Chapter 39 (8/5/16)

A bonus post for the weekend!  If you didn't catch the post that I put up late last night, don't miss it!

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Jesse decided that he’d like to keep seeing me, even if I wasn’t ready to commit.  I made it very clear to him that I didn’t anticipate being ready to settle down in the near future, and he insisted that he understood and wasn’t continuing to see me just because he was hoping I’d change my mind soon.  “I’ve just really enjoyed spending time with you,” he said simply.  “I’d like to continue that.”

Being clear in what I was (or really, wasn’t) looking for helped me feel better about continuing to see him.  I also enjoyed spending time with him, but I didn’t want him holding out hope for something that may not ever happen.  Once he assured me that wasn’t the case, I decided to go ahead and keep seeing him.

So I spent the next couple weeks seeing both Ryan and Jesse.  They were very different and each fulfilled something for me that the other simply couldn’t or wouldn’t.  “Can I just date both of them forever?” I asked Erica and Kelly during what had become our weekly dinner together. 

“At some point, one of them would not be okay with that anymore,” Erica said, shaking her head. 

Kelly shrugged.  “You don’t know that.  Maybe they would be totally okay with it!” Then she frowned slightly and asked me, “Does Ryan know you’re seeing Jesse?”

“I have no idea, probably not?” I guessed.  “He’s never asked, I’ve never shared, and I can’t see why he’d care even a little bit.”

“Is Ryan seeing other people?” Erica pressed.

I held up my hands.  “I don’t know, maybe not.  He’s awfully busy even when he’s home, so unless he has a rotation of fuck buddies, I don’t know how he’d manage it.”

“Would you care if he did?” Erica asked curiously.

I considered this.  “No, but I think our situation is better if we just don’t know what the other person is up to.”  Erica looked skeptical, but I shrugged.  “Honestly, I find it hard to believe he’s not off getting laid when he’s working in Europe and Canada and wherever else he goes.  I’d be shocked if he wasn’t.  It’s not a big deal as long as he’s not being an idiot about it, and he’s militant about using condoms so I would think that’s the case elsewhere too.” 

“That’s maybe not the safest assumption to make,” Kelly pointed out matter-of-factly.

I nodded.  “You’re right, I should probably make an appointment and get tested just in case.  That’s not a bad idea in general.”  I’d gotten tested after my divorce (three times, because they wanted me to come back in a month and three months for HIV testing since there was no telling what Kevin may have exposed me to) but I hadn’t gotten tested again since and now that I had been having sex with a few different guys, I needed to get on that.  It wasn’t sexy, but it was the reality of having casual sex. 

Nate’s birthday party approached quickly.  I had decided to go, and was taking Ryan up on his offer to go with me.  I wasn’t exactly sure why.  Erica was convinced that I just wanted to make Kevin jealous if he was there, but that wasn’t even it.  I think it was more of just having someone there that I knew would have my back.  I did wonder what Kevin would think, though, especially after he saw Ryan pick me up that one night when we’d unceremoniously run into him downtown.

I had seen Grace, Emma, and the rest of them a couple times prior to this.  Charlie hadn’t warmed up to me at all, but he did eventually stop giving me dirty looks and more just ignored me completely.  I was fine with that.  Emma had apologized for his behavior a number of times, but I really didn’t care that much. 

On the day of the party, I was nervous as hell.  I texted pictures of no fewer than a dozen outfit options to Kelly and Erica, and by the time I’d chosen, I needed to take another shower because I was sweaty from changing over and over.  I was pleased with my final decision though, and I went all out with my hair and makeup (being careful not to overdo it, though).

“Damn!” Ryan said appreciatively when I opened my front door for him.  I was glad my efforts were not for naught. 

“How do I look?” I asked, twirling in my short sundress.

Ryan let out a low whistle, then smirked and said, “Like a woman who wants to show her ex-husband how much better off she is without him.  I’m reading your message loud and clear, sweetheart.”  I rolled my eyes and started to turn to grab my purse, but he caught me by the wrist and pulled me towards him.  He leaned down and kissed me, then trailed kisses along my jaw to my neck and up to my ear.  “Seriously, you look sexy as hell and I’m rethinking our plan.  Let’s stay here so I can fuck you senseless with that hot little dress on.”  His hand crept up my leg, and I shivered as he dragged his thumb up my inner thigh.

“Or,” I said, looping my arms around his neck as his hand continued to inch higher, “we could fool around a little now, go to the party, and it’ll be that much hotter when we have sex later.” 

“I’ll take what I can get,” he replied, slipping his hand beneath my thong and finding my clit.  I groaned and leaned against him as he slowly worked two fingers inside me with his thumb still pressed against me.  I pressed my forehead against his shoulder and gripped his arms as his fingers moved faster.  He started to withdraw them, saying, “Let’s go lay on the couch,” but I grabbed his forearm and shook my head.

“No, don’t stop,” I gasped, and he didn’t.  I came shortly after, my fingers digging into his triceps as I fought to stay on my feet.

“Well, that was almost too easy,” Ryan said, picking me up.  I wrapped my legs around his back as he walked with me to the couch and sat down.  I reached between us as we kissed, stroking him through his shorts.  He groaned against my mouth and I didn’t waste any more time.  I shimmied out of his lap and onto my knees on the floor in front of him, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants as I did.  I gave him one of the best blowjobs I had performed in recent memory, considering it a thank you for him going with me.  Though he seemed like he was invested in the potential drama in the way that only a guy like Ryan could be.

“Well, holy shit.  I think I need a nap.  Or a cigarette,” Ryan said, leaning back against the couch and closing his eyes. 

“You don’t smoke, and there’s no time for a nap,” I pointed out.  Ryan didn’t respond, just pulled me up and into his lap.  “You are the weirdest friend with benefits I’ve ever had,” I told him, nonetheless snuggling into his chest to relax for a minute. 

“You said ‘weirdest’ but I think you mean ‘best’,” he replied groggily.   

I snorted.  “Let’s not getting carried away.”

He laughed and patted my hip.  “Alright then, let’s go before I really do end up taking a nap.”  I got up and offered him a hand.  He let me pull him to his feet, but not without checking me out again.  “You are smoking in that dress, seriously,” he said.  “I might not be able to keep my hands off you.”

“Try to behave, Ryan,” I told him, though I grinned when I turned away.  My dress was having its intended effect and we hadn’t even left the house.  It wasn’t even anything special, it just fit like it was custom made for me and cut to draw people’s eyes to all the right places. 

I grabbed my keys and started to head towards the garage but Ryan said, “I figured I could drive.  You’ll probably need to drink way more than I will.”  I turned and looked at him skeptically.  “What?  I have no ulterior motive, I’m just trying to be nice for once,” he protested. 

“That would be very nice, then,” I said. 

He shook his head.  “You’re paranoid, you know that?”  I glared at him and he just grinned and held his hand out to me.  I ignored it and walked past him, pulling open the front door and waiting for him to exit.  “I like when you’re irritated with me,” he said as he slipped past me.  I rolled my eyes and locked the door behind me. 

Once we got in the car, he turned and said, “You know I’m just teasing you, right?  I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings with the paranoid comment.  You’ve got good reason to be paranoid.”

“Yes, you idiot,” I replied.  “I know that.  You didn’t hurt my feelings, and you wouldn’t be you if you weren’t a jerk.  But thank you.”

He grinned.  “Just wanted to make sure!” 

Ryan’s windows had been half open when we got in, but before he put the big Mercedes SUV in reverse to back out of the driveway, he rolled them up and hit the button to the turn the air conditioning on.  “Your consideration for my hair is touching,” I teased him. 

“Hey, I don’t want to be responsible for anything that might put that carefully crafted look in jeopardy,” he replied with a smirk. 

I laughed and looked out the window as I gave Ryan directions.  I was getting nervous.  By the time we pulled up in front of Sam and Nate’s house, I was completely regretting my decision to do this.  “You know,” I said, looking around at the cars that were lining the street.  “Maybe we would be better off just going back to my place and skipping this.” 

Ryan put the car in park and turned to look at me.  I avoided his gaze.  “If that’s what you really want to do, we can do that,” he said.  When I didn’t say anything, he asked, “Jenna?  Is that what you want to do?”

I was about to say yes when Grace and her husband Justin walked past.  Grace did a double take when she saw the SUV and waved to me.  I had forgotten that Ryan had given Grace a ride to her car the night he picked me up.  She pulled Justin to a stop next to her, clearly waiting for us to get out.  “Your call, Jenna,” Ryan said softly.  “I’ll do whatever you want.”

Now that Grace had seen me I couldn’t chicken out.  I ran my fingers through my hair, squared my shoulders, and said, “We’re staying.”  Ryan gave me a grin and turned the car off.  I took a deep breath and opened my car door, ready to greet Grace and face the party.