Chapter 36 (7/29/16)

You guys!  Why didn't someone tell me my Thursday post didn't post?  This time I can't even blame it on Blogger...I just didn't schedule it even though I thought I did!  I'm going to be off camping all next week, but I have two posts ready to go and scheduled (but I guess I'd better double check!).  I, of course, can make you no promises because Blogger is a fickle beast, but if for some reason a post doesn't post I will post it once I get back sometime on Thursday next week.  Fingers crossed everything does what it's supposed to!

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The last time I’d gone on two dates back to back so early on had been with Kevin, but I tried to push that out of my mind as I got ready for my third date with Jesse on Sunday.  He picked me up and we headed up towards Split Rock Lighthouse State Park.  We stopped along the way for lunch at a tiny diner.

When we got to the park, we decided to do the tour.  We got to go inside the lighthouse and all the outbuildings near it.  It might sound boring, but it was actually pretty cool.  After that, we wandered up one of the trails and down to a little sheltered beach. 

The beaches here were rocky and Jesse picked up a stone and threw it out into the lake, where it skipped perfectly 5 times before dropping out of sight.  “You would,” I said, picking up a stone of my own and tossing it.  It plopped gracelessly directly into the water. 

Jesse tried and failed to stifle a laugh.  “Like this,” he said, picking up another stone and showing me how to throw it.  I tried again with the same result as the first time.  He shook his head and picked up another stone.  He put it in my hand and moved my hand and arm, then let me throw it.  Still nothing. 

Laughing, I plopped down onto the stones beneath my feet and looked out at the lake.  Jesse sat down next to me.  He tentatively slipped an arm around my back and I leaned into him, and we just sat for a long time.  Eventually we stood up and started back towards the path.  I paused at the edge of the little beach and turned around to look at the lake one more time.  Jesse caught me around the waist and pushed a piece of hair out my face, then leaned down and pressed his lips to mine.  I kissed him back, sliding my hands up his chest to his shoulders as the tip of his tongue parted my lips. 

I was just starting to enjoy myself when I heard someone clear their throat and say, “Excuse me.”  We leapt apart like teenagers that were just caught by their parents and I blushed furiously as we moved out of the way so a middle-aged couple could come past us.  The woman glared at us with clear irritation but her husband was trying to stifle his laughter. 

We made our way back to where Jesse had parked without further incident (or kissing).  On our way back to Duluth, we spotted an ice cream place and decided to stop.  By the time he dropped me off at home (with another—this time uninterrupted—kiss) we had spent almost 6 hours together.  It had been 6 good hours, and I had enjoyed myself.

On Tuesday, I saw Kelly and Erica for the first time in too long.  “Where the hell have you been?” Erica asked me immediately upon my entrance to the restaurant where we were meeting. 

“Going on dates, getting laid, getting food provided to me…I’m sure you understand why I’ve been doing all that and not hanging out with you guys,” I said, laughing as she glared at me.  “I’m just kidding!”  I considered that, then said, “I mean, I’m kidding about the second part.  The first part is all true.”

“What’s all true?” Kelly asked from behind me.  I turned and she feigned shock at seeing me.  “You’re alive, it’s amazing!” 

“Stop pretending we haven’t still been texting all the time,” I said.

“Jenna has been too busy going on dates, being fed, and fucking,” Erica said.  “That’s where she’s been.”

“Well, I think that’s a pretty sweet reason to be MIA, if you ask me,” Kelly replied, grinning at me. 

I grinned back and then turned and stuck my tongue out at Erica, who laughed and shook her head.  “Okay, but who have you been going on all these dates with?” she asked. 

I updated them on Jesse, telling them all about our dates.  “So what happened to not dating?” Kelly asked curiously when I’d finished. 

            “I feel okay about this one so far,” I said.  “I know we just went on two dates in two days, but I’m definitely not looking to jump into anything.”

            “What about Ryan?” Erica wondered.

I shrugged.  “It’s not like Jesse and I are in a relationship.  There’s no reason for me not to still see Ryan too.”

Kelly agreed, though Erica looked skeptical.  She didn’t say anything though, and we settled easily into our normal conversation.  I enjoyed my evening out with them, as I always did.  We never did anything wild and crazy anymore, but I was completely okay with that!

I spent Wednesday evening at home, doing a little laundry and cleaning.  I’d been so social lately that I had been seriously slacking on keeping up with those things.  I went to bed early and enjoyed actually feeling well rested on Thursday.

It was a good thing too, because I had dance on Thursday, and afterwards I went out for a drink with a couple of the people in my class.  We all got along in class, though we didn’t have much time to socialize so we didn’t know each other well. We ended up being out ridiculously late for a work night, but I had a blast.

After work on Friday, I had another date with Jesse.  We went out to dinner and then he invited me back to his apartment. 

“This is a nice place,” I said, as he showed me around.  It wasn’t large but it was well laid out and he had actually decorated a little. 

“Thanks,” he said, leading me into the living room.  “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”

We looked through his movie selection and ended up finding something on Netflix.  We watched while cuddling on his couch, and the only interesting thing that happened was that I fell asleep.  I woke up when Jesse shifted and I sat up with a start.  He started laughing as I blinked sleepily and tried to figure out where the hell I was and what I was doing.  “I’m sorry, I was trying to be careful,” he apologized.  “I didn’t want to wake you.”

“I didn’t even know I was tired enough to fall asleep,” I said, yawning.  “Sorry, I’m a terrible date!  How long was I asleep for?”
            Jesse laughed again.  “Probably close to a half hour.”

I groaned.  “I’m sorry,” I said again.

“It’s not a big deal,” he assured me.  “Do you want me to take you home?”

I shook my head and started to say I wanted to stay for a little while, then I yawned again.  Smiling sheepishly, I said, “I guess you’d better.” 

Jesse took me home, chatting cheerfully on the way.  When we got to my house, he walked me to the door, kissed me lightly, and said goodnight.  He waited until I got safely inside and then I watched him walk back down the driveway to his car. 

I did very little on Saturday.  I ran a couple errands and finished up some cleaning, but other than that, I spent most of the day on the couch, binge watching Orange is the New Black.  I went to bed at a time that was embarrassing for a young, single woman on a Saturday, but I clearly needed the sleep. 

I also slept ridiculously late on Sunday, and laid in bed scrolling through Instagram and Facebook for almost another hour before I finally got out of bed.  I jumped in the shower (something about being lazy makes me feel so gross) and when I got out, I had a single text: “Can I see you today?” 

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Chapter 35 (7/26/16)

I was getting ready for my date with Jesse on Saturday when I got a text from Jamie.  It said, “Hey stranger, when are you going to come visit me?”  It had been over a month since I’d last exchanged texts with Jamie, so I was surprised a little by him revisiting the invitation he’d offered me months earlier.  “Why? Horny and run through all your Seattle options?” I texted back, teasing him.  “You insult me,” he replied.  “I want to see you!  The sex that we may or may not (but probably will) have is just a bonus.”  We bantered back and forth for a few minutes and I told him I’d look at my schedule and try to figure out a time to go see him. 

I finished getting ready for my date and then headed out to meet Jesse.  I beat him to the restaurant by several minutes and put our names on the short list for a table.  When Jesse got there, he apologized profusely for being late again.  “I’m late a lot, actually,” he admitted.  “You might as well know that!”

“Well, that’s honest,” I said, chuckling.  “Late people don’t bother me too much, as long as they let me know if it’s going to be more than 10 or 15 minutes.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he replied, grinning.  Then he paused, looked me up and down, and said, “You look really beautiful.”

“Thank you, you look good too,” I said sincerely.  I wondered if he was going to be overly complimentary again, then realized I was being silly and it wasn’t the worst thing in the world for someone to be nice to me. 

We talked while we waited, and it was a little disjointed and awkward.  I was trying really hard to keep the conversation going, but once we got seated, Jesse had relaxed a little and it got easier.  I could not figure out why he was so nervous.  Once he loosened up a little I realized he was actually pretty funny.  It was subtle, but he had a great sense of humor if I was paying attention. 

When we finished dinner, Jesse asked, “Do you want to grab a drink somewhere, or…I don’t know, go for a walk or something?”  He looked down at my shoes, as if looking to see if they were appropriate for physical activity.

“Actually, I’d love to go for a walk, do you want to walk down to the lakefront?”  He agreed, and we walked the couple blocks down to the Lakewalk.  We wandered along the trail, walking close enough together that our arms bumped from time to time.  The first few times it happened, he quickly moved his arm away, but by the 7^th or 8^th time, he didn’t even flinch when they brushed together. 

“Can I ask you something?” he blurted randomly after we had been walking quietly for a couple minutes. 

“Sure,” I replied, curious what he wanted to ask.

He took a deep breath, and then said, “So, you’re divorced.”

“Yes,” I confirmed, feeling a sinking in my stomach for some reason.

“You don’t have to answer this, it’s okay if you don’t.  But…what happened?”

I struggled with what to say.  How much detail did he want?  Finally, I just said, “He cheated on me.  Repeatedly.”  I left it at that, not wanting to be the crazy person who rants and raves about her ex on a date with a new guy.

“Oh, okay,” he said, sounding relieved.  “Well, that makes sense then.”

Puzzled, I said, “Can I ask why you asked?  You seem like you were expecting something else.”

He laughed nervously.  “Well, I have to admit that I don’t remember the night I met you all too well, and I have no idea how much you remember, but you had a lot of not so great things to say about being married to an asshole that night.  I’m not holding any of it against you, of course,” he clarified hurriedly, “Because we were both really drunk, but I’ve just been really curious since then.”

My face burned.  “Yeah, I was really out of control that night, and I’m pretty embarrassed about it, actually.  I honestly don’t remember much of the second half of the night, but Rachael filled me in, and I was horrified.”

“Don’t be,” he said immediately.  “We all have those nights!  I just wanted to ask now because it was on my mind, and I wanted to be able to get an answer and then not worry about it.  I don’t think any less of you for it.  For getting really drunk, I mean, not for being divorced.”  After a beat he seemed to realize what he’d just implied and quickly said, “I mean, I definitely don’t think any less of you for being divorced either!”

I couldn’t help it, I burst out laughing.  He peered at me curiously in the weird light from the setting sun, and I just shook my head.  “I’m sorry, this is so awkward right at this second, and I’m a nervous laugher.”

He laughed too then.  “I’ll be honest, I’ve never dated someone that’s been divorced before, so I’ve been really nervous about not saying or doing the wrong thing and upsetting you.”

“Oh, I wish you weren’t,” I told him.  “Despite what drunk me would have you believe, I’m actually pretty hard to upset.  I think.” I caught his eye and we both grinned.  “I’m still pretty new to dating after being divorced too, so I’m not entirely sure what the ‘wrong thing’ might even be!”  After taking a second to catch my breath, I said, “Can we just agree that if you have questions, you should just ask me, and if I don’t want to answer them, I’ll just tell you that and it will be fine?”

“That sounds like a really great plan,” he said, nodding. 

The rest of our walk was much more enjoyable.  Jesse almost immediately relaxed and turned back into the guy I had originally met during my night out with Rachael.  We walked for well over an hour and if taken by itself, was one of the best dates I’d been on since my divorce.

Finally, we called it a night and headed back towards where we parked.  Jesse walked me to my car and we stood outside my car talking for about 15 more minutes.  Eventually, he said, “So, now that we got everything all straightened out, I’d really like to see you again.  Soon?”

“We can do soon,” I agreed.  “Monday?  Tuesday?  Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow,” he suggested.  “Feel free to laugh if this is a dumb idea, but have you ever been up to Split Rock?  To see the lighthouse?  It’s kind of nerdy, but I’m really interested in lighthouses, and that one is pretty cool.”

“I’ve been to the park and I’ve seen it but I’ve never been inside or anything,” I said.  “I don’t think that’s dumb. I think it’s a great idea, actually!”

Jesse grinned.  “How about I pick you up, we grab some lunch, go explore the lighthouse and wander around some of the trails if you want, and then see what we feel like after that?”

“That sounds good to me!” I replied. 

We stood there awkwardly for just a split second, and then Jesse leaned forward and kissed me.  His lips didn’t linger long on mine, and I had just processed what was happening when it was over.  “Okay, well, goodnight,” he said.  “I’ll see you tomorrow.  Will you text me your address?”

I assured him I would and said goodnight, then he stood there for just a second more before smiling shyly, shoving his hands in his pockets, and turning and walking away.

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I've failed already!

I knew I shouldn't have committed to a schedule.  I'm having technical difficulties and editing difficulties and now I'm just mad.  SO I will have a post for you tomorrow!  Sorry all!

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Chapter 34 (7/22/16)

Guys!  I have no idea what happened.  I thought I posted this yesterday.  I came to check just now because I thought it was odd to not have gotten any comments...and there it was, hanging out in my drafts.  So strange.  I'm sorry!  Here it is!  (Also, after this, I'll be going to a Monday/Thursday schedule.)

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When Friday rolled around, I was surprised to get a text from Jesse saying we were on for Saturday if I was still free.  I was, so we made some plans, because why not? 

After work, I hurried got ready for the evening.  I was going out to dinner and to get some drinks with Grace, Sam, Emma, and Rayne.  I wasn’t nervous this time, just relieved that Charlie wouldn’t be there.  Grace was (once again) picking me up, even though I’d offered to drive this time.  I wasn’t complaining! 

When we got to the restaurant, Rayne was waiting outside.  She hadn’t been at Emma and Charlie’s cookout, and she squealed when she saw me. “Hi!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms around me.  “I’m sorry, we’re idiots, I missed you, I’m so glad you’re here!”  Rayne was tirelessly optimistic, energetic, and did everything quickly and loudly. 

“Hi, Rayne,” I said, giggling at her enthusiastic greeting.  “It’s good to see you.”

She wrapped her arm around mine as we walked in.  “Tell me everything you’ve been up to.  Don’t leave anything out!”  I caught Grace’s eye and she tried not to laugh.  I started to catch Rayne up on the highlights and she listened intently, interrupting every so often with an excited interjection. 

Tonight--unlike at the cookout--I immediately felt like I was part of the conversation with everyone else.  They caught me up on their lives and we all ate too much and far too slowly because we were busy catching up and laughing.  It felt good to be back to hanging out with them, and I was relieved that it felt so normal. 

As we were waiting for the bill, Rayne looked at me, serious for once.  “How are you doing?” she asked, looking at me intently.

“Like, right now?” I asked confused.

“No,” she said, shaking her head.  “I mean…how are you?  With the divorce and everything?  Are you happy?  Are you okay?”

“Way to make it weird, Rayne,” Emma said, rolling her eyes.

“It’s fine,” I replied.  “I am now.  I wasn’t either for long time, but now I’m both, and I’m actually better than I was.”  Rayne seemed satisfied with that, and she flashed me a smile before changing the subject to something a little lighter. 

No one mentioned my divorce or my well-being for the rest of the evening, and I was glad. We moved from the restaurant to a nearby bar and had a few drinks.  It was nearing midnight when my phone screen lit up with a call from Ryan.  I declined the call and texted him, “I’m out.  It’s loud.  What’s up?”  He responded immediately with, “Ah, I was just wondering what you were up to, but you’ve answered my question.  Have fun!”  I set my phone aside just in time to hear Sam saying that she should probably get going soon.  Emma chimed in with agreement.  I picked my phone back up and texted Ryan, “Actually, it sounds like the night is dying down. I could meet you at my place.  I’m at the mercy of my sober friend though.”  After a short wait, I got his response.  “I can pick you up if you want.  How drunk are you?”  I laughed and responded, “I’m not sure what kind of answer you’re hoping for, but just a little buzzed. Sober enough to make good decisions.”  “That’s exactly what I was hoping for, I’m not into banging drunk women,” he replied.  A second later, another text popped up: “When and where should I pick you up? 

We made arrangements and I quietly told Grace I didn’t need a ride home.  I hadn’t told everyone else about Ryan and I wasn’t really interested in doing so.  We all closed our tabs, and Grace and I said goodbye to Rayne, Sam, and Emma.  She insisted on waiting with me until Ryan got there.  She and I were standing there chatting when all of a sudden we heard a male voice say loudly, “A nice ass on the one and legs for days on the other, how did we get so lucky?”  Grace and I spun around, and I was prepared to tell off whoever it was.  Instead, I was surprised to see Kevin and a guy I didn’t know.  He was clearly surprised to see me.  The idiot with him said, “And a great set of—“

“That’s my ex-wife and my buddy’s wife, you asshole, shut up!” Kevin hissed at him. 

I wrinkled my nose.  “Classy friend you have there,” I said to Kevin, crossing my arms and glaring at him.

“I’m really sorry,” Kevin apologized.  “He’s really drunk, and a really big idiot.”

“I am not either,” the guy said.  

Grace looked annoyed, but stayed quiet.  I turned my icy glare back to Kevin's friend and said, “I hope someone punches you in the face someday for talking to them like that.  Catcalling and harassing women in public isn’t appropriate and it’s actually incredibly degrading and threatening.  You want women to stop talking about not feeling safe or respected around men?  Then stop doing dumb shit to make them feel unsafe and disrespected.  It’s disgusting and it’s not going to get you dates or even a one night stand.”

A Mercedes SUV pulled into the passenger loading zone and the driver got out.  I was too busy telling off Kevin’s classless friend that I didn’t even notice that the driver was Ryan until he stepped up on the curb and asked, “Everything okay, Jenna?”

My head snapped his way and I nodded.  “Yes, but can you give my friend a ride to her car?” I asked, throwing one more angry glare at Kevin’s friend. 

“Of course,” Ryan said.  He pulled open both passenger side doors and motioned us over. 

            “See you later, Kevin,” Grace said as we walked over.  I said nothing. 

Ryan offered me a hand to step up into the large SUV and I gave him a weird look.  When he shut the door and got back in the driver’s seat, he glanced in the rearview mirror at Grace and flashed her a killer smile.  “I’m Ryan,” he said, pulling his eyes away from the mirror to check his blind spot and merge out onto the road. 

“Grace,” she replied.  “Thanks for the ride.” She directed him to where her car was parked two blocks away.  I jumped out and hugged her before she left, and she whispered to me, “He is gorgeous, have fun!”  I grinned at her and got back in the SUV.

I looked at Ryan as I pulled my seatbelt on.  “I didn’t know you were so fancy,” I said pointedly.  “I guess I never even saw your car when you came to my house.”

He chuckled.  “I’m not fancy at all, actually.  It’s a company car, and I sort of hate it.  When I’m in town I do a lot of schmoozing of clients, so I get a fancy company car to keep up appearances.  Apparently clients care what kind of car their project manager drives.”

“Who knew?” I asked rhetorically.

“What was happening when I picked you up?” Ryan asked curiously. 

I sighed.  “Grace and I were waiting for you and one of those guys made some obscene comments to us.  When we turned, I realized he was with my ex-husband.  So I was giving him a piece of my mind.”

“Your ex-husband, or the guy that made the comments?”

“The guy that made the comments.  Saying things like that to women you don’t know is disgusting and degrading.  But I guess I’m not surprised, for a guy that was hanging out with Kevin.”

“Noted,” he said, glancing at me.  “Would you like to tell me more?”

I glared at him.  “Don’t mock me,” I snapped. 

“I’m not!” he said, holding up one hand in surrender.  “I swear!  I was just giving you an opportunity to vent off more of your frustration.”

“I’ll take out my frustration on you in other ways, as soon as you get us to my house,” I informed him. 

He grinned.  “Well, that’s even better!”  He paused for a second, then asked, "So which one was your ex-husband?"

"The blonde one."

"Nice looking guy," Ryan said.  

I gave him a weird look. "Could you not?" He shrugged but didn't say anything more.

Ryan parked in my driveway and waited patiently while I unlocked my door and let us inside.  I’d barely even gotten the lights on and the door shut and locked when he said, “So, tell me more about how pissed you are.”

“I’m going to make you really sorry you asked that,” I said, backing him up against the door.

He smirked, grabbed me by the upper arms, and easily spun us around so he had me against the door.  “Are you?” he asked, slowly sliding his hands down to my wrists.  “I’m not feeling sorry yet.”  I playfully tried to pull my hands away from him but he tightened his grip, pulled them from my sides, and pinned them above my head.  I grinned at him wickedly and he took that as his cue, kissing me hard and pressing his body against mine.  “It’s a good thing you wore this nice short dress,” he murmured in my ear, taking a break from kissing me to suck on my earlobe and nip at my neck.  He let go of my wrists to slip his hands under my dress, find my thong, and drag it down my legs until it fell to the floor on its own.  I stepped out of it and he kicked it away down the hallway. 

“Are you going to stop talking and start fucking me, or are we going to stand here all night and chit chat?” I asked him, biting back my smirk. 

He grinned at me for a split second before spinning me to face the door and pressing his hips against my ass.  I ground my hips into his, feeling him against me. “No patience tonight, huh?” he asked, pulling my hair to one side.  He deliberately dragged his fingers across my neck while doing it, making me shiver.  Then he lowered his mouth to the back of my neck, moving his lips across the same path his fingers had just taken.  At the other side of my neck, he nipped hard at my exposed skin, surprising me.  I yelped, then groaned as he slid his other hand back up my dress and worked two fingers into me. 

We had sex right there against the door, with one of my legs held tightly bent up against the door and his other hand gripping the back of my neck.  I was a little worried one of the neighbors would call the cops because I was not even close to quiet. When we were finished, we managed to stumble to the couch.  Ryan stretched across the couch and put his head in my lap, and I reclined the section of couch I was on.  “Still pissed off?” Ryan asked from my lap.  He stroked my bare calf lightly.

“Not even a little bit,” I said sleepily. 

“Then my job here is done,” he replied.  He continued to run his fingers up and down my leg and the repetitive sensation was making me sleepier by the second. 

“When do you leave again?” I asked him, yawning.

“Umm,” he said, thinking for second.  “Monday, I think.  I’ll be gone until the next Wednesday, and then I guess I have a full month off from traveling.  You know what that means, right?  That means you can get a piece of this whenever you want for an entire month.”

“So basically I should start coming up with excuses now?” I asked, teasing him.  “Damn, I think I feel a month long headache coming on.”

“I hear orgasms are good for headaches,” he replied, sitting up and stretching.  We were both fully clothed.  He’d simply pushed my dress out of the way and unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. I yawned again and closed my eyes.  “You need sleep,” he said, standing.

“Don’t tell me what I need,” I said, but I was too tired to put any sass to it.  I had to stop going out on Fridays.

He laughed.  “Don’t get up.  I’ll see myself out.”

“No,” I groaned, struggling to push the footrest of the reclining couch to the floor so I could sit up.  Ryan lifted his foot and put it between mine, easily shoving the footrest down and back into the couch.  “Thanks.  I need to get up so I can go up to bed.” 

I walked with him to the door and when we got there, he leaned against the doorframe.  “Hey, so I know you’re tired, but I just want to check to make sure we’re both still good and on the same page with this.”

I made a face.  “Why, did I do something to make you think otherwise?”

He shook his head and smiled.  “No, I just think it’s good to check in with that every once in awhile.”  His smile turned to a smirk.  “You know how women get, suddenly finding feelings where there weren’t any before and then getting mad when they’re not reciprocated.  It ruins everything.”

“You’re far too much of a dick to ever have to worry about any of that,” I told him, rolling my eyes.  “We’re definitely still on the same page.”

“Good,” he replied.  He leaned down and kissed my forehead gently; it was surprisingly tender and even more surprisingly not weird at all.  “I’m sure I’ll see you when I get back from my next trip.”

“If you’re lucky,” I retorted  Ryan shook his head and turned to leave.  I smacked his ass and said, “Good game, champ!” 

He burst into laughter but chose not to respond, instead just walking out the door.  I locked it behind him and headed to bed.

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Chapter 33 (7/20/16)

I've got one more coming for this week, probably on Friday!  After that, I think I'm finally ready to settle into a regular schedule.  As of right now I'm going to do Mondays and Thursdays (likely with the occasional bonus, because you all know I can't resist!), so you finally know when to expect my posts!

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I enjoyed brunch with Grace on Sunday.  While the cookout had been a little awkward, when I was with just Grace it felt like we hadn’t missed a beat.  When she asked if I was dating anyone, I gave her the same non-answer I had given Nate.  She, however, didn’t buy it as easily.  She cocked an eyebrow and said, “’Dating a little’? ‘Nothing serious?’  Who’s the lucky guy you’re sleeping with?”

I burst into laughter.  “How’d you know?” I asked.  She just cocked an eyebrow.  “Okay, I met him through a coworker and he’s gorgeous.  And talented.”  I smirked when I said that, and Grace blushed a little, which made me chuckle.

“Why are you just sleeping with him and not dating him, then?” she asked.

I told her about his job and his stance on relationships.  Then I shrugged and said, “And to be honest, I’m really enjoying it so far.  It’s nice to be able to have sex and then not have to deal with sharing my bed while I sleep or arguing about where to eat dinner or who left their dirty socks on the floor instead of the hamper.  I don’t miss being in a relationship at all.”

Grace laughed.  “I can see the appeal,” she admitted.  “I think I’d miss being in a relationship though.  Don’t you ever miss coming home to someone that cares about you and wants to hear about your day?  Or not always having to be the one who figures out what’s for dinner?”

I snorted.  “Grace, come on.  85% of the time, Kevin wasn’t home when I was home.  When he was, he was tired or stressed or sleeping and gave no fucks about my day.  And if you think that he did anything related to dinner besides paying for the ingredients and eating it, you are straight up delusional.”

She frowned.  “It was that bad, huh?”

“And then some,” I said quietly.  I had every intention of not bashing him around Grace or anyone else that still talked to him, but it had come out before I could stop it.  “I’ve never really had those things to be able to miss them now,” I finished, shrugging. 

Grace looked unbelievably sad then, and I started to change the subject, but she held up a hand.  “I just…I don’t get it, Jenna.  You guys seemed like the perfect couple.  I’m not saying I don’t believe you, because I do.  I just wish I would have known how unhappy you are.  I feel bad for being so oblivious.”

“Grace, I didn’t come here to talk shit about Kevin or reminisce about our terrible relationship.  And honestly, I feel weird even talking about him with you.  So if we could just pretend he didn’t exist, that would be perfect.”

“Okay, fair enough!” she said cheerfully.  “No more He Who Must Not Be Named,” she said.

I laughed.  “I don't think he's quite as bad as Voldemort, but I'll take it.” 

We easily fell into other topics and put the awkward moment behind us to enjoy the rest of brunch.  When we left, we hugged, and Grace promised to try to get all the girls together to go out for a drink or something on Friday. 

Ryan called me midafternoon on Tuesday.  I ignored the call and sent him a text. “I’m working, can you break your no texting rule just this once?”  He texted back immediately, “It’s a preference, not a rule.” I rolled my eyes and was about to ask him if he just called to argue with me when I got another text from him.  “Anyway, your favorite person is back in Minnesota.  Come see me tonight? 6? 7?”  “Did you just get back?” I asked.  “Yeah, all sorts of jet lagged.  Going to take a nap and find something to eat and hopefully have sex later…you in, or should I find someone else?” “You are such a dick,” I responded.  “I’ll cook for you,” his next text said.  “I’ll see you at 6:30 then,” I answered immediately.  “I knew you only wanted me for my skills in the kitchen.  See you later.” I elected not to reply to that text because my work phone started ringing. 

He called me again around 5 as I was walking out of work.  I pulled my phone out of my bag and answered it, greeting him cheerfully.  "Do you like steak?" he asked me, after we'd exchanged greetings.

“You don’t have to cook for me,” I told him.  “You just got back.  I can pick something up, if you want.”

“I’d be cooking for myself either way, so you might as well benefit.  Just tell me if you like steak, get yourself over here at 6:30 like you said, and enjoy your dinner.”

“Well, I love steak so I won’t argue with you,” I said, shrugging even though he couldn’t see me.

“Good,” he said cheerfully.  “I’ll see you in a little while then.”

I went home, showered quickly, and changed into sweatpants and a hooded sweatshirt.  It was an unseasonably cool evening and I knew it would be even cooler by the time I left Ryan’s house.  I briefly considered that perhaps I shouldn’t go to the house of someone that I was planning to sleep with looking like I just rolled out of bed, but then I decided that my clothes wouldn’t be on long enough to matter.

I saw I had a text from Ryan telling me that the door would be unlocked and to just come in when I got there.  I immediately texted back, “I thought you hated texting.”  I laughed when my phone started ringing shortly after.

“I hate texting as a means of conversation,” Ryan informed me when I answered.  “But it’s perfect for giving small pieces of information that don’t require conversation.”

“Well, thank you for clearing that up,” I replied, chuckling.  “I’ll keep it in mind.  And I’ll just come in when I get there.  I’m leaving now, so I’ll be there shortly.”

“Sounds good, see you in a bit.”  We said goodbye and hung up and I threw my phone in my purse and left. 

I felt weird just walking into Ryan’s house, but he’d told me, so I tentatively opened the front door and stepped inside.  “I’m in the kitchen,” he called when he heard the door open.  “Keep your shoes on, we’re eating outside.”

“You’re so bossy,” I said, walking into the kitchen.  He immediately handed me a glass of red wine, and I quickly said, “And so wonderful.  Can I help?  I really do feel bad that you just got back and you’re cooking for me”

He surveyed his surroundings and shook his head.  “No, I’ve got this.  Cooking is relaxing for me, and like I said, I’d be doing it with or without you, so at least now I’ve got some company and I’ll get to have sex when we’re done eating.”  He flashed me that perfect grin of his and I rolled my eyes.

I suddenly realized that he was wearing dress pants and a nice dress shirt with the top two buttons undone.  “What’s with the fancy clothes?” I asked.  “You’re making my sweatpants look bad.”

“You’re making your sweatpants look great,” he replied, winking at me.  Yes, he actually winked.  And damn if he didn’t look good doing it.  “I had to run into work for a little bit this afternoon and I was just too lazy to change when I got home.”  I was glad he was too lazy to change, because he looked damn good in his work clothes.  I imagined a tie and a jacket to complete the ensemble and had drifted off into my own personal fantasy world when he asked me to open the door to the deck for him.  “Something on your mind? You seem distracted,” he said as I followed him out to the deck.

I grinned and cocked and eyebrow at him.  “No, I was thinking about you in a suit, to be honest. And I was enjoying the picture in my head.”

Ryan laughed and said, “If that’s what turns you on, I can go put the jacket and tie back on.”

“I appreciate the offer, but it won’t be necessary,” I said.  “I don’t think you’ll need the help!” 

We sat at the small table out on his deck while he kept an eye on the food.  I asked him about his trip and we talked about random things.  I marveled at how comfortable we both were already.  The nature of our relationship (for lack of a better word) lent itself well to not needing to impress each other and being able to relax so easily so soon. 

Dinner was excellent again, as was the wine he had to go with it.  “You’re going to spoil me, and I’m going to get used to this,” I warned him as we cleaned up our mess.  “I’m not sure what could possibly be better than a delicious meal, wine, and casual sex.”

“Hey, if you keep on with the casual sex, I have no problem continuing to provide you with food and alcohol,” he said, shrugging.

I looked at him indignantly.  “You make it sound like it’s a business arrangement.  Will fuck for food?”  

Ryan burst out laughing and then said, “Well, when you really get down to it, a friends-with-benefits relationship such as the one we’re engaged in already kind of is a business arrangement.  I get what I need, you get what you need, and we—“

“Okay, okay, you’ve made your point,” I said.  “And as much as I’d love to, I can’t argue with it.”

We continued to banter back and forth playfully while we got most of the dinner stuff contained.  I offered to wash dishes but Ryan insisted he’d just do it later.  I definitely wasn’t going to complain about getting dinner made for me and not having to do any dishes.  Ryan yawned as we put away a few other things.  He was clearly tired, but apparently horny was winning for today.

Once we finished up in the kitchen, I wandered into the living room while Ryan wiped off the counters.  I was looking at the books on his bookshelf when he came into the living room and sat down on the couch.  I felt his eyes on me and turned.  He was watching me, and made no move to hide it when our eyes met.  Instead, his lips turned up just slightly as he blatantly checked me out.

“Digging the sweats?” I teased him. 

“I’d rather see what’s under them,” he replied, motioning for me to come over to the couch.  I approached him and rather than sitting next to him like he expected, I climbed on top of him, straddling his lap and running my hands from his chest up into his hair.  “Not wasting any time, huh?” he asked me, grinning as he slid his hands over my hips.  He grabbed my ass and pulled me tighter against him.

“You look awfully jetlagged, so I figured we’d better get to the point so you can get some sleep,” I told him. He started to respond, but I kissed him, cutting him off.  His fingers gripped my ass tighter as he worked his hips against mine.

We had sex right there on the couch, with very little foreplay.  Neither of us needed it that night.  Within 10 minutes of finishing up, I was walking out the door.  Ryan was clearly exhausted and I had to work in the morning, so there was no sense in me hanging around. 

When I got home, I sent a text to Erica and Kelly.  “So, I go over to his house, he cooks me an amazing steak dinner, gives me delicious wine, we have sex, and I still get to come home and sleep in my own bed…alone.  It’s almost too good to be true.”  Erica and Kelly both texted back the same thing, within seconds of each other: “Don’t screw it up!”

I was debating an indignant response when I got another text from Kelly.  “I would hate having to come home and sleep in my own bed after that, but I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.”  I chose to respond to that one instead, and we all chatted for a few minutes about the pros and cons of sleeping alone.  Frankly, after so many years of sharing a bed with someone I didn’t trust, I wasn’t in any hurry to share it with someone else.  For now, I much preferred sleeping alone.

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